“Ol’boy, man don see something oh.”
“Wetin you see?”
“My eyes don see something. My ears don hear, and my mouth sef, I for talk something join.”
“Talk make I hear”
“No be dis Tiwa Savage and him husband matter? The husband wey say him wife offend am, he no gi am food, him wife dey form for house but him dey open leg for other men, and na another woman they give am edible catering, and the man come vex he wan jump inside river for Lekki-Ikoyi bridge”
“Who the hell are you talking about?”
“Tiwa Savage and her husband”
“And who are those?”
“Tiwa, now. Marvin First Lady. She is one of Nigeria’s topmost female artistes. And her husband. They are quarrelling. The husband tried to commit suicide. She says her husband prefers to follow other women, take cocaine and ignore his responsibilities as a man and a husband. Social media is agog with the news. Mainstream media is feeding on it too. The man even tried to jump into the Lagoon.”
“And has he done so?”
“No. He was restrained by Banky W and Peter Okoye.”
“And who are those? Red Cross Officials?”
“You are in this country and you don’t know Banky W and Peter Okoye?”
“There is no way anyone can possibly know all the members of the Red Cross? ”
“They are musicians, not Red Cross, not NEMA”
“Oh, I see”
“Don’t tell me you are one of those dumb ones who do not know what is going on in this country?”
“I don’t get it. Am I supposed to worry about how Tiwa Savage and her husband are savaging the public space with their dirty linen and turning their marriage into a subject for beer parlour gossip?”
“It is a serious matter.”
“Oh really? So, how has their matter affected the supply of petrol, the price of foodstuffs and the payment of salaries?”
“It is the biggest news of the week.”
“Of course, because the media does not know what to prioritise anymore”
“There are issues involved. Tiwa Savage’s husband wanted to commit suicide. The same week, there was a report about a man who killed his target of amorous desire and stabbed her mother in Ilorin because the lady refused to love or marry him.”
“Love is the most potent poison in the world. The graveyard is a prison yard of unrequited love.”
“Tiwa Savage’s husband says…”
“You keep mentioning the wife. That husband doesn’t have a name? They should have allowed him to jump into the Lagoon, and have his wife do a special song at his funeral and go home on the left arm of another man.”
“They call him em em. actually that is the problem if you would listen to the wife. She is the breadwinner, she says and the man likes to squander money and so on and so forth.”
“Look, I am not interested in that story. I don’t want a taste of Tiwa Savage’s #Lemonade. I don’t want any tales about the#Becky-with-the-Big-Hair that served her husband “edible catering”. Or do you want the National Assembly to have a special session on a derailed marriage, or may be you want President Muhammadu Buhari to issue a statement on it? One of these days, Nigerians will start insisting that the Nigerian President should become a marriage counselor and he will be blamed for marital squabbles.”
“We are talking about celebrities. And come to think of it, in a normal country, Tiwa Savage’s husband will not have to depend on his wife. He will have a proper means of income.”
“E ma gba mi ke. Doro Tiwa and husband fight and Nigeria no go hear word? E joor oh. As you lay your bed, you lie on it. These things happen every day. Human beings pay for the choices that they make. They learn from the outcomes of their choices. Can we have the media focus on serious matters beyond sex, infidelity, cocaine and the poverty of matrimonial matters in the household of Tiwa and Tee Blliz? Which kin name be that sef?”
“Tomorrow is May Day for example”
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